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deux

by l'oceanic

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1.
Silver Lake 04:35
Park the car beside the lake tonight Silver bodies in the silver light The moon is rising in the east tonight Everything's going to be all right You read to me from Merrill's "Changing Light": "Our heads are spinning...from the East a light." Everything's going to be all right. I don't believe that, but I think you might. I want to be like the water that light passes through. A heart so simple and so pure that the world can't undo. And all the love that I have I will give to you. A million miles form a dying star straight to you. You made a sketch of St. Suplice at night. You said you only dream in black and white And God is watching from a satellite. Everything is going to be all right. I played you "Green" and "Gardening at Night". You said "I like a man who's erudite, but not pretentious and not too uptight". Everything is going to be all right. I want to be like the water that light passes through. A heart so simple and so pure that the world can't undo. And all the love that I have I will give to you. A million miles form a dying star straight to you.
2.
Bob Dylan has got me thinking about death again. Every morning when I check the news I think: this could be the day. Bob isn't going to live forever. I imagine the coverage, the tweets, the outpouring of adoration from those who, for the last twenty years, have been saying he can't sing. He's lost a step. Maybe he wasn't all that special after all. It's a way of thinking about my own death, isn't it? I've been doing this more and more lately particularly since that night last year when I ate edibles and lay in bed thinking about how death isn't an abstraction, it's a reality, and that when it comes it will be like turning off a light and leaving a room in total darkness. That is to say it will make everything I've ever loved or worried about not just pointless, really. Meaningless? Negated? It's not quite that either. It's that it will end. Of course, Bob's already sussed all of this out: he not busy being born is busy dying, and all of that. Or: Death is Not the End, if you're looking for some comfort. I think of this whenever the shadow creeps across my mind, and I push it back, or at least I try to. This latest effort is different, though. Maybe it's just that it's a new year. There are new possibilities, sure, but I've been through enough new years to know that nothing really changes except that we grow a older. If you've got a mind for science, you know that the world is moving towards high entropy, the only thing we can rely on is more disorder. This is the 1st or 2nd law of thermodynamics, I don't recall which. I could Google it and find out, but I've promised myself that I'd do this less this year. And if I did google it, maybe I'd see the news: Bob Dylan has died. If not today, then someday, and probably soon. And then I'd spend the day watching video of Bob like I've put his life on fast forward. Here he is, baby-faced but with a mercurial look in his eye, playing his 1930s Gibson Nick Lucas Special like the reincarnation of some poet from the Romantic Period. Here he is in 1974, the year I was born, singing Knocking on Heaven's Door with The Band in Toronto after an 8 year hiatus from touring. Here, at the end of the 20th century, only months after nearly dying from pericarditis, singing Trying to Get to Heaven like some biblical prophet in exile.
3.
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released July 17, 2020

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l'oceanic Jersey City, New Jersey

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